Sue Godboldt

I Believe

I believe everyone should know the meaning of life. Because the meaning of life might be different for each individual, I cannot tell you the meaning of your life. I can, however, tell you how and when I figured out the meaning of mine.

As a graduate student in Texas working on my master's degree, I dedicated all my time and energy to being a student. Everything else in life was second to my education. I had a personal study room reserved in the library and spent many long hours locked up in my academic hideaway. I rarely saw my husband or spoke to my family and I could only vaguely remember what sunshine or raindrops felt like as they hit my face. I continued on this path for two years, completed my master's degree, and moved to Nebraska with my husband and miniature dachshund to begin a Ph.D. program.

During the first semester of the doctoral program my grandmother, Margaret Mae Christianson, passed away during the night. I was extremely close to my grandparents, especially my grandmother, and her death was a raw and traumatic experience. Although losing my grandmother was painful, it was what I learned at the funeral that felt like razorblades were being imbedded in my soul.

At the funeral I had a conversation with my great aunt, my grandmother's sister, that broke my heart. Two nights before my grandmother passed away, she picked up the phone and called the people she loved the most. She spoke to my mother, my brother, both of her sisters, and a cousin. The only person she did not speak to was her only granddaughter, me. According to my great aunt, my grandmother tried to call me but I was not there. My grandmother told her sister that she felt bad calling me because I was always so busy with school. It was at this very moment that I found the meaning of life. I would never again be too busy for my family. For my life, family is what gives it meaning.

My grandmother felt guilty calling me and taking me away from my studying. Most of our conversations were filled with stories of nothingness, like what was on television or how badly she needed a perm. She felt those conversations were not important enough to tear me away from my academic obligations. What my grandmother did not understand, and neither did I at the time, was that I would gladly trade an hour of studying to have a conversation about nothing. I would happily listen as she told me about the latest episode of Jerry Springer and in the same conversation hear how Seventh Heaven has gotten "too sexy".

My dissertation was, and this essay is, dedicated to the loving memory of my grandmother - "Maggie". For through her death, I found the meaning of life.

About Sue Godboldt

Dr. Sue Godboldt is finishing her first year at Mercyhurst as Assistant Professor of Criminal Justice. Her favorite aspect about Mercyhurst: "The atmosphere on this campus is different than any other college I have encountered. The faculty members here are truly excited about teaching. It is refreshing to have such caring and talented colleagues around me."